STRATEGIES TO REGULATE EMOTIONS & AROUSAL

Supporting the courage to look internally, find self-compassion, and reclaim inner beauty

Overview

Depending on our specific nature or the circumstances we find ourselves in, we may become hyperaroused and feel anxious, agitated, or irritable or we may become hypoaroused and feel depressed, shut down, or low energy. 

We all have times when our mood or energy levels are dysregulated. At these times, it is helpful to have strategies to help us return to a more balanced state of being. Below I share a list of strategies for self-regulation that is separated into three sections:


  1. Across mood states 
  2. Anxiety, agitation, & keyed up 
  3. Depression, shut down, & sluggishness


I welcome you to take a look at these lists and play around with them.  See what works for you.  Remember that what works for one person may not work for another, and may not work the same every time. 

A few tips:

  • Look at the lists and pick a few things to try. You don’t need to try everything all at once.
  • Have a playful attitude. The goal is to play with options, not to work at them.
  • Gather data to see what works for you at this time, at this place.
  • Be kind to yourself.  Praise your efforts, not your accomplishments. 
  • Use strategies as part of your regular life. The more you use these strategies when you don’t need them, the more they will be available when you do.

Ways to Self-Regulate Across Mood States

These strategies work across emotional states and can be helpful when anxious, agitated, irritable, depressed, or shut down.

1. Move

Walk, dance, tap feet or hands, rub legs or arms. Movement is often considered the “great equalizer.” It can quiet us when we are anxious and get us going when we are down.

2. Change Location

Leave the room you are in. Go outside. Run an errand. See a friend. Change beds if you can’t sleep. 

3. Cognitive Reframe

Notice thoughts that reinforce dysregulated mood and arousal. Reframe worries. Challenge negative thinking.

4. Music

Listen to music. Make music by playing an instrument, tapping a pencil on a table, or singing. 

5. Dial Up “Awe.”

Imagine mountains, oceans, babies, whatever gives you awe.

6. Co-regulation

Spend time with calming people or pets or those that cheer you up.

7. Wise Mind

With kind-regard, recognize and accept your patterns and where you get stuck. “Of course,” say to self while smiling. 

8. Bigger Picture

Try to look at what is happening from a bird’s eye view to place it in context.

9. Cry

Expressing emotions can help release arousal and shift moods.

10. Laugh

Humor helps us shift energy, manage stress, and lift moods. 

11. De-personalize

Try to recognize that most things others say and do aren’t about us.

12. Engage in Hobbies

Make art. Garden. Read. Cook. Play games.

13. Journal

Write thoughts and feelings. Keep a gratitude journal. Keep a worry journal. 

14. Nature

Get outside. Breathe fresh air. Look at trees, water, birds, clouds, stars.

15. Shower/Bathe.

Taking a shower or bath can help shift mood and arousal.

16. Stack Self-Regulation Strategies

Combine multiple items on list: Go for a walk, notice nature, sing. 

17. Praise Efforts

Regardless of how well what you try works, praise yourself for trying.

Ways to Quiet Anxieties

If you are highly anxious or agitated, the key is to find a release for this arousal. Movement or exercise can be especially helpful. 

1. Movement to Release Arousal

Walk, run, exercise, shake out your arms, tap your fingers, run in place while sitting or standing.

2. Apply Pressure

Squeeze or rub your arms of legs. Tighten and release muscles to activate and relax.

3. Cool Temperatures

Wash face with cold water. Step outside in cool temps. 

4. Present-Moment Focus

Ground yourself in your 5 senses. Notice what you see, hear, feel, taste, smell.

5. Breathe

Slow, deep breathing is calming. Aim for longer exhales than inhales.

6. Body Alignment

Press feet into ground, seat into chair, straighten spine, and shoulders back and down. Breathe. Notice what feels best to focus on -- your feet, seat, spine, or shoulders. Pay attention to this body part and breathe.

7. Yoga & Meditation

Take a yoga or meditation class. Try using a mindfulness app.

8. Distract

If all else fails, look for ways to distract.

9. Stack Self-Regulation Strategies

Combine items on list. For example: Go for a walk. Feel your feet press into the ground. Notice what you see, hear, smell. Breathe deeply.

10. Praise Efforts

You recognized that you were dysregulated and tried to do something to help. Good job! This is the most important step.

Ways to Lift a Depressive Mood and Low Energy 

When depressed, the key is trying to get your day started and maintain routines as best as possible. 

1. Get Going in the Morning

Try to get up at a normal wake time.

2. Morning routine

Shower, shave, brush teeth, put on make-up, get dressed for the day.

3. Maintain Day-to-Day Routines

Go to work, school. Keep appointments. Follow through on plans you have. Use alarms on your phone to help you stay on track.

4. Eat Meals

Try not to slack off on eating. Aim for eating something for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

5. Take Medications

Stay on track with medications, especially psychotropics.

6. Meet with Providers

This is a time to keep (or make) appointments with psychiatrists, physicians, psychotherapists, and other providers as needed.

7. Limit Time Lying Down

Try not to get stuck sitting or lying down for too long. 

8. Minimize “Sinkhole” Activities

Put limits on time spent in sedentary activities like TV, video games, and social media. 

9. Bedtime Routine

Get to bed at a normal bedtime. Wash face, brush teeth.

10. Stack Self-Regulation Techniques

Combine items on list. For example: Get up and get your day started. Shower and get ready. Eat breakfast. Go to school or work.

11. Praise Efforts

Remember: Be kind to yourself. Regardless of how well it worked, you tried to do something. This is a start. We need to remember to praise these small efforts.